Tawdry Tarot Love

TAWDRY TAROT LOVE

The Belfry’s Guide to Tawdry Tarot Love

(reprinted from The Belfry)

A while back Cosmopolitan magazine featured a do-it-yourself "Love Tarot" that enables one to ascertain such burning, itching issues as "secret sexual fantasy," and "love style." After selflessly reading the article in the name of divinatory research, and picking up some helpful hints on lip-gloss, we gave the matter of Tarot and sex some careful consideration. Not to be outdone by a mainstream magazine, the plucky and resourceful staff of The Belfry rushed forward to develop some tips that give new meaning to the term "peeking under the veil of the mysteries."

Placing a lighted red candle on our bright red Wonder bra set the tone for our explorations. Almost immediately we determined that taking the bra off first is recommended. After carefully examining the naughty polarity possibilities of Cups and Swords, we took a bubble bath with the Devil card. Regrettably, the card did not survive the ordeal. One shudders to think what would have happened to our original proposed subject - the Knight of Cups -under such rigorous application of the scientific model.

We briefly considered designing a deck specifically with amour in mind. However, the creation got bogged down with suit assignments. Is Kama Sutra oil cups or pentacles? Do oysters or champagne merit entire suits to themselves? And what about the satin sheets? Riding crops? Duct tape? The reader begins to see the difficulties experienced in the Belfry labs.

Of course, there’s the tricky notion of card reading as foreplay. Clothed or not? On the table or the floor? Then we began to think of alternative uses for the silk cloth we had the cards wrapped in, and research veered in a new direction.

Eventually one comes to the ethical notions of asking the cards salacious questions. A fresh, new, young deck might be scarred for life if one is too graphic or aggressive in one’s request for guidance. The vision of the cards working for an astral sex phone line comes to mind, and it’s all downhill from there.

We wondered if we should include palmistry in the divinatory mix, but realized we would only get ourselves further into trouble.

After exhaustive research, our advice is to eat right, exercise, drink plenty of fluids, and laminate any cards one is considering using for exploration of the realms of love. Also avoid operating heavy machinery while engaged in acts of love or divination.

Questions? Comments? Suggestions? Answers happily provided! Email our Web Goddess! If you’d like to link to our site, please drop us a note so we can acknowledge you!

PRIVACY NOTICE: We do not collect any personal information from you while you are browsing our website. For more details, please see our Privacy Policy.